Friday, December 21, 2012

Things I Hate About Facebook

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Mark Zuckerberg. He grew up and invented this little thing. Little did he know, this thing would become an addictive substance that would fuel procrastination and catalyze drama in a way that no other social media outlet has done before. It looks like this.

Unfortunately, due to a large percentage of annoying/stupid/socially-inept people in the world, combined with my inability to say no to a friend request, Facebook has become a festering hole of incompetence. Here are a few things that I absolutely hate about Facebook. 

1. Popular people get a lot of likes on EVERYTHING that they post. 

Let me explain. I'll post a really witty and hilarious status, like this. 

Surprise! One like. It's usually my mom. And then, just to rub my one like in my face, someone on my news feed posts something like this. 

2. Valentine's Day. 

Because my news feed is filled up with this. 

and this. 

annnnnd this. 

(that girl was being extra-creative by taking a close-up of the flowers. soooooo artistic.)

I would just like to point out that EVERYONE gets flowers from their boyfriend on Valentine's Day. Really. No need to post a thousand pictures. 

3. Political/religious debates between people who have no idea what they're talking about. 

4. Pedophiles. And just creeps in general. 

I was lying earlier. I do say no to some friend requests.. 


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

...are you sunburned?

I have self-diagnosed myself with Social Anxiety Syndrome. Besides my complete and utter inability to function normally when I'm around other people, I have this little problem called extreme blushing.

This is what most girls look like when they blush.

Kind of endearing, isn't it?

This is what I look like when I blush.  

Yep. It's not even confined to my cheeks. My blush consists of blotchy, red patches all over my face, chest, and neck. The problem is, I don't just blush when a cute boy is talking to me. I blush whenever anyone ever is talking to me.

Standing in line at Subway, for example. 

 Or when a random girl compliments my outfit. 

 Heaven forbid I have to answer a question in class. That situation usually brings tears as well. 

One thing that has saved my dignity on a few occasions is that my blush is so bad, it can pass for a really bad sunburn. Of course, it doesn't work if you're with someone else before the blush happens. Because then they know that you're lying. 

The End

Monday, October 29, 2012

"the conversation"

My blog is back! I might make a post with all of my excuses for neglecting the three people who read this... but for now, this is what has been on my mind.

There's this little awkward thing that happens between two people who don't know each other very well, but run into each other once every few months. I like to call it "the conversation."

There are a few different ways it can play out. If you're going to have "the conversation" with someone, this is the best possible way it will ever go. Awkward at best.

You don't really know what to say, so you end up saying "good" a million times. Then there's a few seconds of really really awkward silence, then you both make excuses to leave. 

You walk away wishing it had never happened. 

But, it could be worse. Because usually, this happens. 
 You predict what they were going to say.
You have a fifty-fifty chance of guessing right, but nine times out of ten you guess wrong. 

Once again, followed by awkward silence. 

The End